Being Strong

Strong according to Merriam-Webster means “having great physical power and ability, not easy to break or damage, not sick or injured.”

Over the past week, my 7-year old daughter has had her third cardiac catherization and we received the news that she will require her second open heart surgery to either repair or replace her aortic valve in the near future.  As I write this, I have had a “whole” 48 hours to digest the news and I feel broken, damaged and just about the furthest point from strong.  Not an hour goes by that the tears do not well up in my eyes.

I have been told by friends and family that I am strong, that there is an inner strength, that we can do this . . . While there are moments that I genuinely don’t know if I can do this, I also know that I have no choice.  At the end of August 2008, I was blessed with my Harry & Genevieve.  Even before then, from Genevieve’s prenatal diagnosis of Aortic Stenosis, I knew that we would find a way.  We would find a way to live happy, to make the most of every moment and to do everything we could to bounce back from the difficult days.

My husband Al has told me that I give off this air of strength and confidence – especially in my Facebook posts documenting our journey and updating our friends and family all over the world.  Ok, except maybe for the one where I just announced that this “fucking sucks”, I am sure that I will get to that in another post.  I am really just “faking it until I make it”.  Just plowing through each minute of each day, smiling when my own heart is breaking.

When I look in the mirror, I see a lot of things – I see the tears, I see the pain and I see the fear.  I also see a determination to figure it out and to keep moving forward.  I don’t see strength – I just see me, sometimes weak and currently feeling a bit broken.

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3 thoughts on “Being Strong

  1. You and G are two of the strongest ladies I know, and sometimes it’s okay to let the cracks show. You’re a constant source of encouragement and inspiration to me and I love you dearly. I look forward to reading more about your journey!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Being strong doesn’t mean not crying. It doesn’t mean not pacing the halls. It doesn’t mean not being scared. Being strong means feeling the fear and being adrift and DOING IT ANYWAYS. You are strong. You have more strength than you know…enough to get you through this, and enough to get Genevieve through this. You are strong. You are capable. You are loved. Don’t you forget that!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tina you are the strongest person that I have met and I’m so proud to call you my friend/mentor, G you are just as strong as your mommy…. I understand that this is the hardest thing that you and your family can go through, the power of the Lord is there and he will not let you down. Have FAITH in everything you do and everywhere you go, always have faith. You are much loved, stay strong! XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

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