Recent selfies of the camera-loving Genevieve and I carry the line: “we’ve got this”. The “this” that we have is big. Anytime it involves your child, it is a lot whether it is an injury or open heart surgery as it will be in our case. I remember breaking down when my son, Harry had to have 2 teeth pulled at the dentist. I have placed my daughter in the hands of surgeons that have stopped her heart and here I was crying because he had to have a couple baby teeth pulled in the office. Perhaps it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back, I believe that it was more. It was my child and in that moment, it was a lot for him – it was big.
Tonight, Genevieve managed to tug at the heart strings and bring tears to my eyes. We were having a quiet moment together while Al and Harry were in the other room getting ready for bed. She said to me, “Mommy, when I am scared, you always make it better for me.” I asked her if she was scared right now, thankfully she was not as I seem to be woefully unprepared for these conversations. Make no mistake, as she gets older and continues to master the power of her words, she will either rule the world or be destined for a career in the automotive field. My girl can sell.
So, I have decided that I have got this. She needs me to have it together for her – she needs me to find the strength to help her get through what comes next. I am amazed by all the people that take a moment from their day to read the words that I type. Someone at work commented on how I had a lot going on . . . and followed that up with the simple statement, “you will get through it, you don’t have a choice”. She is a mom to older children who have been through things that were big over the years and I know that she is right.
There will be weak moments – days that I feel overwhelmed, broken and times when I will question, perhaps even announce that I cannot do this. I will wallow in self-doubt and then I will breathe, lean on my family and friends, pick up the pieces and keep going because she needs me to make it better. I can’t fix her heart, I can’t eliminate the pain and fear that are coming – but I can hold her hand, hug her tight and let her know that she is loved. I have got this.