This should probably be entitled “The F Word Part 3” . . . given the rollercoaster ride that we have been on, I am sure that post will be coming soon. So tonight – let’s go with my own hellish Groundhog Day instead.
The dreaded 355 pops up on my iPhone. I hate that number. I would rather see 666 as that would be my work in Somerville or my parents in Newington. It is never good when they are calling you a month out from her surgery day and just before Christmas. No message left to return – it is them calling to talk to me. Iris – of course, it is Iris from scheduling. I knew why she was calling and I could tell by the tone of her voice that was prepared for me to go off on the phone. Somehow, I managed not to. One slightly sarcastic tone about how this is the second time we are being rescheduled due to vacation days and a conference. Shouldn’t these things have been on their calendar? I guess not. So – the new date is January 26th for pre-op and surgery on the 27th. Now that I have put it in writing and moved it on my calendar that syncs to my laptop, my phone and my iPad, I am waiting to see if the universe decides to see just how many times we can repeat this cycle before I completely lose my mind.
That losing my mind stuff – I may be there. Going back through the list – call my parents, the insurance company, the pediatrician, the school, the school psychologist, my work and so on . . . I know the list by heart at this point. Returning to my car to hide, there is no crying at work and I just can’t keep it together anymore. I’ve done this all before.
What little Christmas spirit I was able to pull together this year is gone. I will put on the smile for Harry & Genevieve and I will do everything in my power to give them the very best Christmas ever. Outside of that, I just want to hide, pull the covers over my head and not talk to anyone.
This fucking sucks – ahhh, yes, there is the F word.