I don’t feel that I have encouragement

Bonus post . . .

After a long day of fun with friends and family in Connecticut, I was really hoping for a quiet night at home.  Unpacking, preparing for an early morning meeting . . .Genevieve had other ideas.

I should have known that it was coming.  After finding out the date of her surgery this morning, she has had enough time to process it and now is the first chance she has with her mother and father alone to share her thoughts.

Why do I have to do this?  I don’t want to do this.

Why do I have a birth defect?

I am not ready.

I am scared.

Is there a cure?

I don’t feel that I have encouragement.

That last one stung.  We have been through all the other questions before and had answers to reassure her.  This was a new one – so we reminded her that she was not alone – that she will never be alone.  She has us, her twin brother, her grandparents, her family, her friends, all of our friends and co-workers.  She has friends of friends praying for her.  All those in my world are encouraging her.  People that have heard her story have joined Team Genevieve.

Now that she is back in bed, I realize that she is absolutely my daughter.  With all of the world pulling for her, for us – and my lovely friends creating the spin off “Team Tina” with inappropriate humor and lots of booze . . . I realize that I am guilty, too.  There are moments when I feel all alone and don’t feel that I have encouragement.  That is completely on me.  So please be patient and don’t give up on me as I continue to work on learning to ask for help, for reassurance, for a hug.

16 days – it’s going to be a rollercoaster from now to then and beyond.


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