Two Weeks

Genevieve’s surgery is two weeks from today.  As I look at the clock, I wonder if she will be out of the operating room at this point . . . last time, we did not see her until nearly midnight and her poor body looked like it had been through a war.  The image is still burned in my mind.  I am in the dreaded countdown – two weeks, two more weekends, 7 more days of school for Genevieve, 8 more days of work in the office for me . . .

Tonight, I finished watching the first draft of the “Team Genevieve” video – I am teary with all the love and support for my family – most of all for my baby girl.  She is most definitely not alone.   While I am thankful and yes, blessed . . . I am also . . . you guessed it, struggling.

My days are filled with encouraging words, support, hugs and care packages including lovely hand knit socks that are currently keeping my toes warm as winter has arrived in Boston.   I want to be positive – I want to smile – I want to nod and agree that everything will be great.

Two weeks and I am not feeling strong, I am not feeling confident and while I may smile, the tears are always there.   According to the stats for this blog, I know that some of you do read this as there are many more views than mine.  Now may be a good time for you to click the X and stop reading this particular post as I am about to say what many people “shush” me about and tell me to stop talking.

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True confession – I am scared that I could lose her.

4 thoughts on “Two Weeks

  1. You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t scared of losing her. Heck, my kids are all perfectly healthy and I have days where I’m gripped with an unholy darkness where I fear I could lose one or all of them. But keep the faith. Prayers are going up for G all over the world. There are a million hearts beating for her when hers needs it most. We all love you and we’re here for you – especially when you feel weak and scared. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m scared about that, too. There is more to say, of course, but thoughts and emotions swirling make it difficult to put into words. Just know you are not alone. ((Hugs))

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, friend. I still vividly remember the picture you posted on our Yahoo (?) group of your two little embryos. You were doing IVF around Christmas…even though I didn’t know you, I just felt such faith that those two little eggies were going to make it. I was THRILLED when you got pregnant and it’s been so fun being “friends” with you on FB. I’m sorry you went through infertility and now I’m sorry you’re going through this. It completely sucks. But just like I had the faith back then, I’ve got it now. Prayers and positive vibes for you and your whole family.

    Liked by 1 person

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