Yesterday was a good day – spent some quality time with my son Harry. We saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens for the second time . . . this time in 3D and had fun sitting in the back row giggling as we reached out to see if we could touch the Millennium Falcon. It is nice to spend time with my twins individually.
Today is a new day. Last night, Genevieve said she didn’t want to go to sleep because when she woke up . . . she would be a day closer to surgery. Unfortunately, we cannot control time and while it does seem to pass faster when we are having fun or sleeping . . . it still goes by without pause. I slept terrible last night and climbed out of bed to single digits . . . 9 days to her surgery.
9 short days, 6 more days of work, 5 more days of school, one more weekend, one more CCD class, one more dance class . . . and on and on. The countdown ticks past in my head – there is not that much time left – one more Monday after today, 2 more Tuesdays . . . my head spins as I go through various combinations of the time that is left between now and her pre-op on January 26th and the surgery on the 27th.
This is me – today I am caught between what is going on in my brain and my heart. I don’t know what I am feeling or thinking, I believe the best description is lost. I have to imagine that my friends and family are tired of listening to my rollercoaster of emotions. I may be getting tired of sharing it as the words even sound repetitive to my own ears at this point.
Both my heart and my head hurt and sometimes the dark thoughts win.