Tomorrow is the one week point – I will spare you the breakdown of everything between now and then. Let’s just say that it is not enough time.
I am not ready. I cannot do this.
Despite the seemingly unlimited support for Team Genevieve – I am feeling really alone right now. It is tiring pretending to be strong, smiling and reassuring others that I believe it will be okay . . . when I am not so sure. It takes all my energy to get through the day and to support Genevieve on this journey. It is now – when all is quiet and they are sleeping that it becomes too much. I want to believe – I want to have faith – but (and yes, I know that “but” negates everything that was said before it) sometimes the darkness does win and the terror takes over.
I am tired. I know what I do when I am in pain … I just don’t know how to stop it. I wonder if I will have any friends left if I make it to the other side of January 27th.
This fucking sucks.