But but but . . .

Tomorrow is the one week point – I will spare you the breakdown of everything between now and then.  Let’s just say that it is not enough time.

I am not ready.  I cannot do this.

Despite the seemingly unlimited support for Team Genevieve – I am feeling really alone right now.  It is tiring pretending to be strong, smiling and reassuring others that I believe it will be okay . . . when I am not so sure.   It takes all my energy to get through the day and to support Genevieve on this journey.   It is now – when all is quiet and they are sleeping that it becomes too much.  I want to believe – I want to have faith – but (and yes, I know that “but” negates everything that was said before it) sometimes the darkness does win and the terror takes over.

I am tired.  I know what I do when I am in pain … I just don’t know how to stop it.  I wonder if I will have any friends left if I make it to the other side of January 27th.

This fucking sucks.




2 thoughts on “But but but . . .

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