I cannot remember where I saw this . . .most likely a quote from someone’s page on Facebook: “The healing process is not linear”.
Recently, I have come to the realization that Genevieve is not the only one healing. I am on a rollercoaster of healing that is anything but linear. I have the highs when life starts to feel normal – when I can have a moment to smile, to focus on the parts of me that are not “mom to Harry & Genevieve” and the lows when she spikes a fever, when she tells me that she feels dizzy and her chest hurts. She can make my world stop with just a few words.
I found this shirt on Zulily for her – it says “Though she be but little, she is FIERCE” from Shakespeare.
This is my little girl, she is fierce. She has gone through everything that we have asked of her and more. She battled back, kept up with her school work and couldn’t wait to return to her class. Yes, healing is not linear – we are still working through sleep issues and other struggles.
Then there is me – I am continuing to wage war with fear. Fear of what I cannot see – that which resides below the scar on her chest. Is her heart healing? Is the valve working as her cardiac team designed? Why does she have a heart murmur still? It is easy to look at the girl who dances around the house with more energy than her “heart healthy” brother, Harry and to say that she is fine . . . except, looks can be deceiving.